,A long awaited story of our journey to our double lines! If I am honest, I was a bit apprehensive to share our story with the world, I was scared that something might go wrong or it would all be too good to be true. But now I am so excited to share this little glimpse of our journey.
Growing up I always dreamed of having a beautiful little family. I've always wanted 3 kids. So funny when you’re 13 and you picture your life, I wanted to have met the love of my life by 21, be married at 23 & have 3 kids by 28 with a house. HA! Well at 23 I dove into the world of business. I worked as a freelance stylist until I could save enough to follow my passion to Paris to study Fashion, Specifically Haute Couture (High Fashion). Which I did with a short stint studying in London as well. I made my way home and started my business. Since then I have worked endlessly creating my dream world in business. Working with some incredible people and along the way met and married my Prince Charming in our dream wedding, on a beautiful September day, fit for a story book! Now In my early 30s that 13 year olds idea of life was a bit off, but trusting the timing of my life has worked out pretty well so far!
My beautiful husband Robbie and I wanted kids straight away. We wanted a honeymoon baby and to start building our family as quick as we could. Rob wants 4! Eeek!
Our honeymoon was amazing and to be honest we thought we would get pregnant fairly quickly. Don’t we all! I haven’t ever taken contraception, I am relatively active and eat well and healthily and I don’t drink much. For some of the lucky ones it does just happen in one month but for us it seems, we weren’t those people.
In the first few months of our marriage we opened a business with my parents. I became the worlds greatest juggler running both my successful business and helping to build up a new one. We worked our butts off, dealing with both business and family issues. A long road we had not foreseen would be quite so rocky. Months went by and each and every month when my monthly cycle would reveal itself I was disappointed. At first Rob was a bit confused that it didn’t just happen. I knew that it would likely take maybe a few months. But each month got harder and harder as what felt like a lifetime went by.
I prepared my body by nourishing it with good food, prenatal vitamins, I stopped drinking alcohol completely, I visited the naturopath and took herbs to ensure a regular cycle. I eliminated toxins in our house and made all natural cleaning sprays (chemicals can mimic hormones in our body! Did you know that?). I began to track my cycle with ovulation kits and ensuring I knew when our fertile period was. I was doing everything right, or at least I thought I was. But each month when my period arrived I was so disappointed. The first few months I expected it but as time went on I got really down. Each month Rob would say something supportive; “it’s not our time”, “try not to overthink it”. Trying not to overthink it while doing everything right is like trying to drive a car blindfolded.
The year began to roll by, February, March, April…. May, June,… Nothing. Plenty of phantom signs of pregnancy. Sore breasts, campiness, headaches. People would make comments. Family and friends who knew we wanted to start a family would mention babies and I would feel pretty useless. Beginning to doubt my body and my abilities as a woman. You really don’t want to let those feelings in but boy do they infiltrate your heart and mind. I ran into a girl I went to school with a few grades below me, pregnant and beautiful and glowing. I said Hi and was genuinely happy for her. But the moment I turned away from that conversation I had tears in my eyes. I wanted it so bad. July came and went and I basically just said “Fuck it” I don’t even think I want this anymore. I have big plans for the next 3 years of my life and business and a baby isn’t going to fit anyway! HA!
Robbie and I had some holiday time in August available to us. I wanted a holiday that we didn’t have to think about anything. Just eat, drink and enjoy sun and sand. So we booked a cruise to get away from life for awhile.
We had an amazing time, I threw all my cares out the window. I drank too many cocktails and ate all the glorious foods and desserts. We nearly got left on an island because we hiked up a mountain Rob was desperate to scale (after a $70 steak it was the last thing I wanted to do!). We met some really lovely people and had a lovely trip. Until the last 2 days sailing home! It was 4-4.5meter waves and I was sick as a dog! I don’t really get seasick usually but our room was at the front of the boat and boy I got hit hard.
Upon returning home I was still walking with a sway for a week. I was suffering from vertigo and had a headache and vomiting about a week later. Then thankfully the sea-legs wore off a little but something still felt off.
I woke up early one Monday morning (Rob Usually sleeps in till late on a Monday because he works nights Thursday-Sunday). At this point my period was a day late but I really didn’t think much of it. I decided I would do a test. I had a few cheap eBay test (like 30 of them! HA!) so I used one of those. I showered, brushed my teeth and hair and washed my face. I was about to walk out of the bathroom when I remembered the test.
I took a quick look… What?! No…. Theres a REALLY faint line there! By this point I knew that any line even small as a positive can be a positive especially in early pregnancy. I took it outside into the sunlight, I kept saying to myself don’t get excited. It’s a false positive. Or it’s your eyes. I really didn’t want to be let down yet again. Especially when last month I had literally had said “FCUK it all! So I dipped a First Response (a real test I said in my head) and there it was 3 minutes later. An unmistakable second line. Darker than dark. There-r than there! I cried. I danced. I didn’t want to believe it.
I took my time to breath. I looked at myself in the mirror, looked in my eyes and said out loud “You’re pregnant”… “We’re pregnant”! I really could not believe my own words.
So I sort of floundered around… I actually felt like I was having an out of body experience. I wanted to laugh, cry, run to Rob and jump on the bed. But No. I had to tell him in a special way. So I put together a little box. Inside the box I put a little romper suit (I had purchased because it was adorable, even if a little pre-emptive!) the pregnancy test, a little handkerchief for happy tears and I wrote on the inside of the lid “Hello Daddy”. I then sat around for what felt like years until he woke up. Ok Ok I jumped on the bed a few times to wake him and tried to get him up. Between trying to wake him up I made myself a tea and some toast and the FINALLY he was awake! I hid my camera and made him come into the room where I said I had an early Wedding Anniversary present. He opened it and I think he was a bit awestruck. We hugged and we just so over the moon excited.
Have a peek at this little video - I secretly filmed telling Robbie, I cry every time I watch it!
The beautiful thing was we were to celebrate our Wedding Anniversary that weekend! Such an exciting thing to share joy in over a weekend Celebrating a BIG year!
In hindsight a year really wasn’t the longest time to hope to conceive. I know that for many couples it can take years and years. But the entire journey has truly opened my eyes to how hard the ‘Trying to Conceive’ (TTC) journey can be. For all the women going through that monthly roller coaster cycle. The ups the downs the optimism, hope and excitement shortly followed by disappointment, doubt, shame, sadness. I want to say to those women that I am here. To support you and to understand how incredibly hard that is. My story isn’t as hard as some but it certainly took me on a journey I was not prepared for. I am so grateful we have been so blessed and honoured to be able to conceive and I have been able to carry a child. We’re so excited to be parents!
- Our Family Christmas Snaps -
The place for Lovers, Wild Hearts, Girl Bosses, Modern Mamas and Dream-seekers for Inspiration, in Fashion, Wedding, Living & Business